atwq:

• Sunny: I am very small, and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.
  
• Sunny [to Justice Strauss]: We’re not so different, you and I. You have your law practice, and me, I have all these fucking markers.
• Klaus: I guess they’re finally gonna kill us all. This is younger than I thought it’d be, but we are pretty big assholes.
• Violet: Get some rest tall child! You can’t keep burning the candle at both ends!
• Isadora: I think Emily Dickinson is a lesbian.
• Duncan: In high school, people were like, what are your top three colleges? I was like, top three colleges? I thought I would be dead in a trunk, with my hand hanging out the taillight by now.
• Phil: I try to stay optimistic, even though I must admit, things are getting pretty sticky.
  
• Mr Poe: This is an on-fire garbage can. Could be a nursery. 
• Monty: You can laugh, his name is ridiculous.
• Olivia: You know those days where you’re like, this might as well happen? Adult life is already so goddamn weird.
• Lemony: I’ll keep all my emotions right here and then, one day, I’ll die.
  
• Count Olaf: I grabbed it, drank all of it, and said ‘it’s perfume’.
• Esme: Sometimes babies will point at me and I don’t care for that shit at all.
• Jerome: My vibe is like, hey, you could pour soup in my lap and I’ll probably apologize to you!
• Fernald: Do you want me to kill that guy for you? Because it sounds like he sucks and I will totally kill that guy for you. Okay, see you at improv practice!
• BONUS The Hostile Hospital: It’s like there’s a horse loose in a hospital! I think eventually everything is going to be okay, but I have no idea what’s going to happen.